SO.... I had a bunch of ideas for this blog and i forgot most of them. And the ones I wrote down don't really matter to me any more. Alot has happended this week and its only wednesday.
My first topic of conversation is about one of the scariest words in the english Dictionary. LOVE. "Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!" (Christian, Moulin Rouge) It's funny how we throw the word love into random conversation. I love fried chicken, I love that movie, I love this couch. Deap down inside we all know we dont LOVE these things, but its just a thought. I was once (what I call) an "i-love-you-slut". I'd say I love you on the first day, maybe the first week, or sometimes I'd wait a few weeks. But looking back it was all too soon. Saying "i love you" too soon, always lead me to hurt or regret. I see LOVE differently now. It kills me inside trying to break the habit of saying I love you when I dont mean it, sometimes on accident. Now you all know Ryan. We've been together for two months and we still haven't said I love you yet. So yesterday I decided to "pop-the-question"
"Do you love me?" I asked.
"No" he said.
Ryan has never told anyone outside his family that he LOVES them. This kinda makes me proud of him, and jelous that I am not that way. I'm not gonna lie, when he said NO it hurt ALOT. But after talking about it I see things from his point of view. "No matter how bad you want something, you gotta wait for other things to happen first. Nothing can just be handed to you and nothing can just appear out of mid air. Paitience is what needs to happen, no matter how badly you want something :( ): Cause and effect... Learn from the Past, Live for the Present, Lean to the Future ...Everything you want will happen, just give it time :)" (Ryan, Facebook). LOVE is not just a play toy. It's real. It's pure. It's not to be taken lightly. Even though we've been together for a long-ish while, our more serious feelings are just buds, not quite ready to be in full bloom. Even though I didn't get a yes, we still found how about how strong the others feeling were for the other. And there's something there, but its not quite LOVE. Yet, any way. Its funny. Ryan's teaching me things about LOVE and we're not even in it. He's taught me the seriousness of it, and has helped me not to be an "i-love-you-slut". We just need time, even if it makes me sad now, and when we finally do say it, it will mean so much more than any other "I love you" that has ever escaped my lips. "The greastest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." (Christian, Moulin Rouge).
For those who have yet to find their future love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18gDQU2gNkg
♥Kate
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