Slutty Zombie

I... am just... so confused. Like I don't understand my brain or my feelings. So today was halloween, and I dressed up as a slutty zombie and I hung out with Franki and Brittany, and Colin (a friend I hadn't seen in a long time). And I realized how much I had missed Colin, and I was excited to see him because he was like one of my best friends in middle school. And now Brittany's like into him and I am confused.

I know I don't like him, because I promised my self I never would, but The Britt thing made me feel off and I don't know why.

I also got to me Colin's friend Ryan, who I had met in facebook and had a crush on once apon a time. He played sweet home alabama on it guitar and it made me all giggley. Haha. I... yeah... And also have been hanging out with the Ryan more recently, and its been nice because I like the way his car smell. I don't wanna be with him or anything, because I don't have feelings for him anymore, but its been nice seeing him.

That's about it ttfn!

Russian Roulette

I went to church today, and it was really hard to pay attention because everyone is so attractive. Anywho, God opened my eyes to how lately I've been playing Russian Roulette with my heart. Let me explain. Some of the people I am allowing myself to be interested in right now are setting me up to get my heart broken. So basically I think that I am going to take the bullet out and pull the trigger. There are disitions that I know are bad ones so I am going to eliminate them and then allow myself to delve into the unknown. Because 30 years from now I am going to regreat all that I didn't do, not all that I've done. So basically tomorow I am getting Dougs number, haha! Peace!

Hey Jude

Truth is... I am actually really sad. I am contantly missing him, and it huts, and it sucks. But I am trying to distract myself with other things, like attractive men and the fact that I am failing 3 classes right now. Fun. I might be adding Doug on facebook soon, so thats exciting. And thats basically it... ttfn!

A little less 16 candles.

Welp. They put Dude down this morning. He went calmly, and peacefully. Sam says that usually means they were ready. I am happy for him. I am glad he's feeling better. I wish that I could be where he is right now, but I know my time is not up. And that there are still things left here to do.

On a lighter note I am turning 16 in 10 days, and I am super excited. :D We're throwing a "masquaRAVE" and our neighborhood club house, and its gon be super frikkin tight. My dad my DJ while wearing a gorilla costume...Just sayin!

Also, today my good friend Daelen broke up with Ryan today (yes, that Ryan) and I'm really confused on how I feel about that. There's apart of me that start to think, and then I hit it the head before I can think it. There's also apart of me that's like KARMA!! And then I feel bad. And then like I am happy for Daelen because she's happier, and I wanna be there for her because she's like one of my best friends now. I am just not gonna think about it.

Also, so today I was down because of Dude, and Doug came up to me and was like hey you seem kinda down, and so I told him what was wrong, and anywho. I think he might like me, but I can't tell because he's really friendly. But he noticed I was down and usually guy don't notice that stuff. Gah! idk, he's always like play around and stuff. Idk haha we'll see(:

Ttfn♥ :D

http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?v=1257652766976

Dude

They're putting Dude down tomorrow. I am going to miss him... ALOT. He has been there for me through 3 1/2 years, and he's helped me through so much shit. He was there for my first heart break, and my seccond. And through all stupid mistakes I've made hes still been there for me. And now he's gone like vapor. And now I'll never see him again.

I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I just wish he didn't have to die. Even though I know in my head its whats best for him, my heart is breaking. I love him. There will never be another horse like him, he will always hold a special place in my heart.

Gah! I'm such a loser! I keep crying at like random times... can't. deal. I just wish the things that I love would stop leaving me. I love him...

Misery Loves Company :D

So its like midnight:30, and I have to get up early and goto the barn but I'm gonna write this blog anyways :D

So tonight we had a football game, blah dee blah. Nothing really important, but me and Macey got closer and I think me and Manny did too. Which is cool because I love them. Anywho, me and Macey talked about our past and our experiances and stuff, because basically I was on the verge of a mental breakdown rooted from guilt and, as always, abandonment issues. And I realized that not only have I made alot of mistakes, but I've hurt alot of people and I hate my self for that. It was nice to have someone who resonated though.

There's alot of other chiz going on too, but I talk about it when I get back from camp.

Love Ya! -Kate

Sorry I was thinking about cats.

I don't know what to say. Life has been alot of things. God has been doing some pretty sweet things lately. Nothing's really happening in the relationship dept. Other than this attractive guy in my com apps class who laughs at my jokes and does parkour, but that basically the end of that story. I've lost some old friends, and gain some new. And every now and then I am filled with an overwhelming wave of nostlgia. But I know that whats happening right now is ment to, and will eventually shape into the person I'm ment to be. I am not really happy with who I am, but I'm not unhappy either. I'm in between. I'm in a transition phase.

God, however, is doing some pretty awesome things in my life. And that does excite me. Like today, Brittany was haveing some rediculous mucus problems, and I prayed over her right there, and it went away. God is Insane, Crazy. I know that I am called to be a missionary, but sometimes I just wanna not. Sometimes I just wanna sit on the couch.

Last night after church, me and Morticai were talking about how religion is like a video game with unlimited weaponry, but only one life. God provides everything we need to spread his glory and love, we just gotta do it.

The couch is metaphore for all reasons your not working for God, be it insecurity or laziness or tumblr. To keep strong in your faith you must fight at it and work at it every day, because there ARE forces in this world that are working against you, and when you give into those forces it breaks God's heart.

Think about when you're in love with someone, and they tell you that they'd die for you. It means alot, doesn't it? That's how God feels about you, except that he is the DIVINE CREATOR of the universe. Just that fact should make you want to love him back and abide is glorious laws. But sometimes we forget, and sometimes we slip up. But thats okay! Because God loves us enough to forgive us no matter what, and so we love hime back.