We are Hungry

I don't think my friends realize how much I care about them. It breaks my heart every time I see them hating themselves so much. I want for them to be happy so bad, and to see how wonderful they truly are. This fact makes me feel like I am not a good enough friend. It makes be feel so worthless.

A lot of things have been making me feel worthless lately. Like today during choir when I found out I wasn't going to be playing my saxophone for the talent show/benefit for youth choir, it broke my heart. I want so badly to be apart of musical ministry, but I'm just not good enough, ever.

Also, boys. Sydney and I (Britt would be so proud of my grammar) were talking about your first relationship leaves a bigger imprint on your soul that you realize. My first relationship was pretty great, until we broke up and then I found out him and best friend were in love with each other the ENTIRE time. So they went out. That sort of sets a precedent for most of my other relationships. They ended up being blissful lies, and they ended up dating one of my friends.

Lastly, I also realized today that I ruined my wedding night. I've had sex. I'm damaged goods. I'm worthless. I hate that I did that to my future husband. And I want nothing more than to take it back. For him, and for me. It's been a weird night.